There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The power of my boobs compel you
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
