I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
