This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
