you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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