One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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