my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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