sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
