So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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