Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
