I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
