Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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