I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
