is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
