Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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