burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
