i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
