i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
