I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
