It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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