Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
