Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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