my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
