Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
