she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
