i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
