Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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