LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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