Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
