If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
