You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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