so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
