Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
