where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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