god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
