He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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