I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
