"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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