Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
