I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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