After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
