she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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