In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
