I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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