WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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