I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
