end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
