Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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