saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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