Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
