the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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