I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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