We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
